Home Is... Where?

Thanksgiving countdown: 6 days!!

I cannot explain to you strongly enough HOW DARN EXCITED I am to be going home. I haven't seen my house since August. I have never been away from home so long in my life. When I went to UW-Madison I went home once a month since it was only an hour and half away... but the 7 hour drive is a little more taxing to make now that I go to MLC. I mean, it's doable. But women's soccer kept me stuck here over fall break and I just haven't made it back.

By the time I finally go home next week I'll have been away for 95 days. Since May, I've only been at home for 5 days over midsummer break+12 hours between August 19th-20th that was turnaround time between camp and college. So really, it feels like I have been away a lot longer. I have spent the last three summer at Camp Phillip, but even then I got to go home/see important people fairly regularly. This is the most anticipated home-coming for me personally of my whole life. I. CANNOT. Wait.

I just feel that when I came to MLC, everything else that I left behind in Milwaukee, Wautoma, and Madison all just stopped and would be the same, waiting for me when I return. Like everyone just froze or they're on a laptop's "sleep" mode. It's a similar feeling to how you used to feel when you were playing Barbies as a child (or last month... what? Did I say that?) You could leave Barbie and Ken in the red convertible and a week later they would still be sitting there grinningly waiting for you, lost in plastic rapture. People in my life aren't like Barbie and Ken though. They're mobile. They morph and feel and change just as frequently as I personally do. In 95-plus days a lot of the people I care the most about might have morphed in ways I wasn't around to witness - which is both an exciting, frightening, foreign feeling. Going home will certainly be interesting!

What really constitutes "home" during your college years?
"Home" used to be that place you lived as a child. The place with mom and dad, with your own backyard and your own room. It was your base. Your sanctuary. It (for the most part) didn't move. It was a recharge point, refuge, rock. As high school demands crept into your life, it became more and more of a checkpoint since you were always out and about. And once graduation hit, you hit the road and your "home" hit the fan. At least, for me it did. Now that I'm in college, I live at my childhood house for 3-4 weeks over Christmas, a weekend here and there, 2-3 weeks in May, and Thanksgiving break. That's it. I don't even go home for spring break or summer. About every 3 months I have to pack my whole life into gray tote boxes and shuffle my life down dorm halls, cram it into backseats trunks of tiny college junker cars, and move. It's worse in summer - I can only set up camp for a week and then I'm on the move again! In the beginning it was novel and exciting, but 3 years into it (wow - three years of college already?!) the luster's wearing thin. Part of me is just longing for the day I have a place where I can set up shop permanently. All I want is to be able to not have to wear flip flops in the shower and to have the ability leave my toothbrush by the sink. Is that kind of permanence too much to ask for?

What is home? Is it still your childhood house? Does it only take two-by-fours and mortar to make a house a home?

Is home just the place you lay your head at night - so home can be found anywhere, from a hotel in Argentina to hut in Moscow?

Is your office your home? Or work? That little cubicle or desk, is that the place you truly feel accepted and at ease? When you're flipping burgers, is that home for you?

Do you find "home" in your hobbies, sports, music, books, or TV?

Is "home" only found once, in one place, at one time? Or can you have many homes in a lifetime?

Is "home" now your group of friends? Is home found among your newly acquired family all living on your college dorm floor together? Is mutuality and college camaraderie enough to breed kinship?

Or is home found in your vices?

Money?

Stability?

Humor?

Or is "home" found in love?

Suddenly being thrust into a nomadic culture of semester-long leases and summer internships means many college students feel like they're reeling. All of sudden their permanence, their stability just got ripped out from underneath their feet; they're thrust into a sea of novelty and change. They have the chance for the first time in their lives to make their own choices. Do they want to keep going to church like their parents? Do they want to start voting Democratic after hearing years of Republican tirades at the dinner table? These college kids are footloose. They're nomads. They can choose! And people choose to search for solace and permanence we all desire in the arms of a live-in girlfriend or in the bottom of a bottle of Jack Daniel's. These aren't the right places to look for home.
While romance, hazy Friday nights, or even money can give people the warm fuzzy feelings of acceptance, love, and joy that "home" used to fulfill in our lives, eventually they bottom out on you. Your girlfriend could ditch you and your "love" for "Han's from Norway, the guy she met at the gym with Brad Pitt's face and Jesus' abs" (name that movie quote), the drunken nights can start feeling seedy and hollow as you inch up into your later 20's, and with the economy tanking, money is by no means something to rely on right now. Is there anything remotely solid we can hold on to in the ever-fluctuating life of a nomad?

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore, we WILL NOT fear though the earth give way, and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging... God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day." -Psalm 45:1-3,5

God is our home. Even as nomads traveling through the sketchy path of life, His omnipresence in not only the daily events of our lives but in our hearts leaves no room for worry or doubt. He fills up the hole that we try and cram worthless idols into. And His love covers all our flaws.

The other day I was feeling cranky, worried, and stressed about things in my life that I can't control. I was geeking out about God's plan for my life and I was wondering if choices I made recently really were part of His plan after all, because it felt like I had made a horrible mistake. So when I was feeling down, what did I do? First I looked at Chuck Norris jokes. That was good for a laugh but it didn't help my emotional wrenching state of mind. So then I looked at Natalie Dee, and pardon the French, but I found this one that sadly resembled me:

Really, in the grand scheme of life, I have everything. I seriously may be the most privileged person in the entire world: stable family, amazing friends, the opportunity of an education, a great boyfriend, my health, talents, food on the table, a roof over my head, I get to live with my friends, I don't have to worry about money, I'm employable, I have two legs, arms, eyes, and ears... I could go on forever! And best of all, I have faith. So many people in the world don't know the saving Gospel message that Jesus became human, lived a perfect life, and died on the cross so that now everyone can go to eternal life if they just believe in Him! I'm blessed beyond belief. These little things that worry us nomads are not important - God's got it all in control.

(It's just a lot easier to say that and a lot harder to actually put that into practice, you know?)

Ultimately, God is our home. We can live as many places as we want to while we're all here on earth, but in the end, our citizenship is in heaven.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in Me. In My Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am"
- John 14:1-3

Count your blessings, enjoy time with family and friends, and above all else, remember where your home truly is. God is love!

Happy Thanksgiving!

A Return

So I keep journals. You probably know this. But I really wish you could read them all. This won't happen; they're far too personal for me to probably share with anyone but my husband and kids someday. I'd be okay with the general public reading them after I'm dead and gone, but certainly not now.

I wish you could read them because nearly every entry starts in the same fashion:

12:45am. Augustana 109. 3 November 2010. Song mood: "King of Anything" by Sara Barellies.

"Well, first and foremost an apology is in order. I am sooooo sorry, I didn't finish writing about _______________. I suck. I'm sorry."


I don't know really who my journals are to, but I usually seem to address them to "you", whomever "you" may be. And they always start out apologetic because although I journal frequently, I never say what I need to say fully. I always "run out of time" or am "too tired" or something. There's always some excuse. But I need to apologize to myself in these entries, and I don't know why. Huh.


I tell you these things because I am apologizing to you know. I was really proud of my semi-weeklyish blog posts and I was excited for awhile because I believed people really read them. This made the author in me really thrilled and I loved it, but I got really caught up in life here and chucked blogging by the wayside. I used to check this for new comments on posts even before I checked Facebook (whoa, what?!) and when I logged in today this had all the attraction and warmth as a dust-blown ghost town complete with tumbleweeds rumbling down the lane. For this, I heartily apologize from the depths of my literary heart. Truly.


Apologies make people weirdly vulnerable. When you apologize to someone you're putting your emotions, heart, and pride on the chopping block; you're throwing yourself to the mercy of rejection. But have you ever been apologized to by someone who really hurt you? Or have you knocked yourself down off the totem pole of self-love and groveled for forgiveness at the feet of someone whose soul was ripped to shreds by your cutting words? I've experienced both, and can I ever tell you that afterwards in either case you just feel... clear. Clear like saran wrap. Does that make sense? I feel like saran wrap after apologies - clear, easy, clean...

It's a blow to your personal pride to admit to someone "you were right, I was wrong". It never is an easy thing to do, but sometimes to preserve relationships in your life you have humble yourself -which is something I seem to usually cowardly avoid because it's difficult. However, if we avoid the difficult things in life forever, life isn't going to be that interesting. You'll never have closure about anything and your pent up frustration just might make you blow your top like an over-shaken soda can.

Jesus, as usual, was the perfect model of humility, and gave His followers a deeply intimate look at what truly humbling yourself before men really means. It means we're supposed to wash each other's feet. We're supposed to show love to those people who deeply hurt us, asking nothing in return. It means loving people who got the label of "weird", "ugly", or "worthless" stamped on their forehead by society. We're supposed to help, respect, and forgive everyone - everyone. And it means that we too need to realize our utter sinfulness and humbly ask God for His forgiveness every single day.

How often do you ask God to forgive your sins? I know I struggle with that a great deal sometimes because I play the "compare game" - you've done it too. "I really can't be that bad, I go to a Lutheran college," "At least I'm not doing pot," "I could just be sleeping around with everyone like_________ does, but I'm not so that makes me better than ________"... and the list goes on. When I play that game I always feel like that awful Pharisee in Luke 18 -

" The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed, "God, I thank you that I am not like other people - robbers, evildoers, adulterers - or even like this tax collector"(verse 11).

How terribly, terribly prideful.

"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, "God have mercy on me, a sinner" (verse 13)

I need to return to asking God in fear and trembling to forgive my sins like this tax collector did instead of pridefully strutting before His throne, dictating what He should do in my life. Too often we forget God could quite literally nuke us in a heartbeat - and should nuke us in a heartbeat. Who are we to yell at Him, demand things of Him, or even ask for His forgiveness - when it was us that murdered God?

"I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted" (Luke 18:14).

I'm the chief of sinners, yet He still loves me. I'll never be able to get over that. It's always the best news in the world.

So, in sum, I am apologizing to you and asking your forgiveness for not blogging in like 10 years. I'm also going to go apologize to God for all the awful crap I do everyday, and I would encourage you to do the same. Return to routine confession before God. Afterwards, you'll feel easy and clear - just like saran wrap!

"Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord
And He will lift you up
Higher and higher
And He will lift you up"
- verse 1 "Humble Thyself", Camp Phillip.

(And I might even try to return to regular blog posts?)

I'm Falling...

Hey there. I've been slacking on this whole blogging thing - sorry! I was pretty consistent for a couple weeks there, trying to post like once a week, but lately I've been distracted and there hasn't been a moment to breathe, let alone blog. However, I'm just so happy and relaxed right now that I'm in a great writing mood and I got an hour to kill, so here we go.

I just got back from art class. Today was really fun because we made pigs out of modeling clay. THIS IS WHAT I DO FOR SCHOOL, FOLKS! Modeling clay pigs. It was just so calming and happy, and after art I always have two free hours before chapel. Usually during these hours I just feel more reflective and content than any other time of the week, so that's usually when I journal and blog and have a little alone time with a cup of coffee and my thoughts. It's just a pleasant way to spend a Tuesday.

It's fall! For the longest time I have adamantly decried that summer is the best season, with it's hot dogs and swimsuits and mown grass, but I seriously might be changing my tune. Last year, fall in Madison was so blissfully delightful that I think my preferences started bending toward crisp, crunchy mornings instead of hazy humid ones. I started liking lattes instead of lemonade, scarves instead of shorts, and pumpkins over watermelons, and now I feel I can claim with distinct certainty that autumn is my new favorite season. Now it's final. I love fall!

Fall just brings too many delightful things with it to not love it the most out of all the seasons - Packer games, apple cider, apple pie, apple orchards, apple butter, apple bread, carmel apples, bobbing for apples... haunted houses, Reformation hymns, beautiful leaves, fall coats, weather that makes lounging about in a sweatshirt and jeans just perfectly lovely, pumpkin spice lattes, cornfields, the promise of Thanksgiving and Christmas drawing closer, scarves and mittens, Badger games, lately, Flandrau state park, cozy fall food like ham sandwiches and mashed potatoes and pie, clear nights full of stars...

I might have a couple other reasons why lately I've been loving fall so much. And why I've been distracted. But I digress :)

I think I will always want to live somewhere that has all four seasons - they're just all too varied and interesting to give any one of them up. The Bible doesn't talk much about fall the season, but it talks about tons of other falls - it talks about the Fall into sin, how we as humans time and time again fall out of line with what God says, a little bit about falling in love (with people and with God), and, most comfortingly, how when we fall, He is always there to pick us up.

Lately with all the joy I've felt living at MLC, starting a new school, meeting new people, and experiencing all kinds new experiences, I'm feeling pretty firm. Pretty confident. There's not much that I feel could rock me right now. However, I Corinthians 10:12 looked like a wake-up call for me

" So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!"

Last semester was the most tumultuous one of my life. So many things that I thought stood firm threw me for a loop; everything was in a constant state of stress and upheaval. The positive that came from that was my relationship with God grew much stronger in light of all the stumbling blocks, and that struggle makes me appreciate MLC all the more for what it is and the spiritual encouragement it provides. I feel firm... but I can also already feel myself growing complacent. I can already see myself starting to just depend on chapel services as the vehicle to hear God's Word instead of working on it personally - and therefore, I need to be careful. I'm probably closer to "falling" here by sheer complacency than I was when I was in Madison.

God doesn't make us go about attempting to build up our faith alone, however. He is firm and He is permanent; He doesn't change like the seasons. I love Isaiah, and one of my favorite verses in the whole thing is 40:8:

"The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever"

(this is also partly quoted in I Peter 1:24-25 in case you're interested in checking that part out, too)

We all fall short of the glory of God, but His word and faithfulness stand forever. And His Word gives us hope:

"The LORD upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down... He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" (Psalm 145:7, 147:3)

As fall blossoms into the fullness of it's radiance through October, be careful so that you don't fall.

Now go crunch through some leaves!

P.S - This song isn't really about fall, but it's so happy it is one of the only things that comes close to describing how I joyous I feel. There's a really cute line about "picking apples in late September" and "I'll kiss you between the ears" FALL IS THE BEST!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGPTwkRlHzM

Come Thou Fount

I've been living at MLC for a month so I thought I would commemorate this momentous occasion with a blog post. Oop, now it's 12:01am and technically September 21st. So... month-and-one-day-versary. Whoo! 31 day-versary. I celebrated today by doing what I do everyday - classes, practice, dinner, chapel, general bliss and joy...

I'm listening to a Chris Rice Pandora radio station while a beautiful summer like breeze is blowing throughout the room as I type this, and lo and behold, my favorite hymn just came on! It's "Come Thou Fount". I've heard lots of really great versions of this hymn, and I've frequently said if anything should happen to me and I somehow die before I get a will together, this is what MUST be played at my funeral. It must. So now you know. But I digress. Here are some really great versions of "Come Thou Fount". Or at least, my favorite versions (there are tons!)

"Teach me some melodious sonnet, sung by flaming tongues above..."

1. Sufjan. Sufjan. Sufjan always seems to do it best:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sApYYmxhWQ
This man just has a magic with hymns. I could listen to this on a loop for the rest of my life.

"Come, my Lord, no longer tarry! Take my ransomed soul away! Send Thy angels now to carry me to realms of endless day..."

2. Like I mentioned before, Chris Rice's version is lovely as well. This is the arrangement that will be played at my funeral, whether or not I die tomorrow or in 80 years: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwFHsX6omvI

"Jesus saw me when a stranger, wandering from the fold of God, He to rescue me from danger interposed His precious blood..."

3. For choral fans out there, if you ever heard some sacred music you like, the Mormon Tabernacle choir has probably sung it. They've sung Come Thou Fount for sure: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uslytyVrWFw
I hope we sing it like this in heaven someday

"And I hope, by Thy good measure, safely to arrive at home..."

4. I keep looking for a version of Come Thou Fount that was sung at the WELS Regional Choral Fest in 2006. It was the best choral song I have ever been a part of - it concluded the most fantastic concert I have ever had the privilege to be a part of, and at that point in my life I had never felt so close to God. I wanted to just get sucked up into the clouds right then and there. If anyone can find a version of it, I would be HUGELY indebted to you if you shared it with me!

"Come thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing Thy praise..."

5. The version I just heard on Pandora was lovely - it had no words and it was by Stephanie Immording, but when I searched for her on youtube there was nothing. Also on google - nothing. How mysterious. If I find it I will put it up. (I think it was listed as "Come Thou Faunt" on Pandora. Hmmm.)

"Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it, mount of Thy redeeming love..."

6. And finally, one time, Steph and I went to go see David Crowder Band and they played this version of it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FG5ZhFN1DXk
It's far more Revolutionary-War-esque and peppy than the others

If you find or know of any other good versions, let me know!

This is apparently (according to Wikipedia) an American folk tune created in 1757 by a 22 year old pastor named Robert Robinson. I just love it. I wish I could write stuff like that.

We have "Request a Hymn" chapel tomorrow (or the 22nd... in my mind it's still the 20th, but IT'S ON WEDNESDAY. I think) but "Come Thou Fount" isn't in the WELS hymnal. How sad. Maybe I can get a petition going to change this...

Anyways. I should go to bed. I have an away soccer game tomorrow and it's starting to thunder outside - if I'm lucky there I might just get to cuddle under the covers and fall asleep to autumn raindrops on my window... have I mentioned that I love fall?
Happy month-versary!

"Oh to grace, how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be.

Let that grace now like a fetter bind my wandering heart to Thee.

Prone to wander, LORD! I feel it!

Prone to leave the God I love!

Here's my heart, O! Take and seal it!

Seal it for Thy courts above!"

- verse 3, Come Thou Fount

You've Got So Much Love in You!

"So Much Love in You" by The Rocket Summer

"Hats need a beat like awake needs asleep.
Like a pen needs a page, to re-write you need a mistake, oh yeah.
Hearts need a mind like a clock needs the time.
Like white needs black, if you leave I hope you need to come back.

Oh, I swear, I know I believe it
Oh, I can't stop hearin' all the singin'
Oh, my soul has never had this feelin'
And it feels like gold

You got so much love in you
You got so much love in you
I'm amazed that I'm talkin' to you
You look like the songs that I've heard my whole life comin' true..."

I don't know much about The Rocket Summer - this is the only song I know of theirs, but it's catchy. This song popped up on Pandora again today and I was just reflecting on how this is how my weekend felt - I've got so much love in my life, it's overwhelming! Sometimes I get down on myself because I focus on where I lack love - namely, that I'm not in a relationship. But truly? Really and truly, I am so blessed to have people who love me as much as they do.

I didn't do anything crazy this weekend - it was pretty much laid back games and homework - but I had some free time to catch up with my PP, my mom, Ashley, Ben, etc... and it was really nice! One of MLC's few drawbacks is that it is so far away from home and I am currently car-less, as well as I'm all tangled up in soccer commitments that hold me here - so instead of going home once a month or so, I'm going home... for Thanksgiving? I spend my summers at Camp Phillip but even then I get a break to go home in the middle. It sounds babyish but I don't think I've ever been away from home for 3 solid months before, and I really love home.

Even more, I love the people at home. So I wouldn't say that I'm homesick, but I really just want to go hug my mom, catch up with Madison friends and get coffee with Steph, and I can't. Not until November. When I can't see people in the flesh I get to think about them instead. I did a lot of thinking this weekend and came to flabbergasted conclusion that I am lucky to be loved by the people who do. Seriously.

Friendships can be tricky things - people start friendships with artificial grins plastered on their faces and slippery motives clutched behind their back because they're trying to use you for some superficial reason or another. Some friendships can be highly enjoyable, but if they're built on the shaky common ground of being annoyed by the same teacher or acquaintance, what's stopping that "friend" from turning on you and being annoyed by you instead? People can befriend you because they want to date your brother, because it will look good to be in tagged photos with you on Facebook, because you're "convenient" at the time, or, more positively, they could grow out of genuine commiseration and honest commonality. There's a quote I really like about friendship by C.S Lewis:

"Friendship is born at the moment one person says to another, "What! You too? I thought I was the only one".

Writing about friendship is making my heart feel warmer and fuzzier than it already did. Here are a couple other quotes I really like about friendship:

"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget" - Author Unknown

"We are friends and I do like to spend the day with you in serious and inconsequential chatter. I wouldn't mind washing up next to you, dusting next to you, reading the back half of the paper while you read the front. We are friends and I would miss you, do miss you, and think of you very often" - Jeanette Winterson

"True friends stab you in the front" - Oscar Wilde

"The difference between love and friendship is how much you can hurt each other" - Ashleigh Brilliant

"True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides the evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island... to find one real, good friend in life is a fortune; to keep him is a blessing" - Baltasar Gracian

The best thing about a lot of the relationships I have in my life and firmly and surely founded in common faith in God and devotion to Him. Common faith is unlike any other kind of friendship bond; it's the best kind of glue. Even if I hurt a friend, I know I can go talk to him or her and be forgiven because of our shared Savior. Friendships founded in God are not easily blown over in the storms of adversity that pummel stronger and stronger as the years go by - in fact, the exact opposite reaction happens. Faith-filled friendships grow infinitely stronger when facing challenges. Being able to be there for someone and comfort them with God's amazing gospel in tough situations is a confidence that is just harder to find in relationships where God isn't present.

The best part? Even if all of our friendships (even faith-filled ones) fail here on earth, we still have an eternal Friend who always hopes, is always there for us, is the best listener in the world, and gave a thick book full of advice on how to live our lives. He did even more than that - He died for you! You have a friend who gave up His life to save yours. We hear that all the time... but no matter how many times you hear it, it's spectacular. "Greater love has no one than this - that he lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13).

So I just wanted to say that I love you guys! Thanks so much for putting up with all my quirks and oddities - without all of you, my friends, life would be so hollow. So empty! You bring color and life to all corners and aspects of my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart - YOU'VE GOT SO MUCH LOVE IN YOU!! (And I have so much love in You too, Lord. Thanks)

Never forget to live like you're loved - because you are!!

When the Other Shoe Drops

Sometimes when I step back and look at the things I say I realize I say a ton of things I don't understand. Tons. I say "oofda" like 5 times a day as an expression of frustration or weariness, and I think that's a Norwegian curse word or something (Thanks, Bopa).



I usually also say a lot of colloquial, slangy phrases ways that must "make sense", but I truly don't understand what they actually mean. For example, the phrase "waiting for the other shoe to drop" - what does that really mean? We all use it as a phrase to mean that we're anticipating some kind of event (usually something inauspicious), but where did it come from? I looked up the meaning of the phrase, and Michael Quinion, who "writes on international English from a British viewpoint" had the most condensed version on the origin of this quote. Apparently in 1943 there was a cartoon published of Hitler holding a shoe, and inside the word bubble was the quote "waiting for the other shoe to drop". This indicates the phrase was well-known even then. Originally, people (or Michael Quinion) guess that the phrase came from a story/legend/vaudeville show/ or possible sitcom sketch in which a man comes home late at night, sits down on his bed, wearily takes off a shoe, and tosses it clunkily on the floor. He lives in a bunkhouse and suddenly realizes that everyone else is trying to sleep, so he takes off the other shoe a lot more carefully and gently sets it on the floor. As he crawls into bed and has just about fallen asleep, a man in the room below shouts "Well, drop the other one then! I can't sleep, waiting for you to drop the other shoe!"



Life can feel like that sometimes; life can feel like we're just waiting on the other shoe to drop. We send a letter out, and we wait for the "other shoe" to drop in the response we receive to that letter. We ask someone to be friends on Facebook and we wait for the "other shoe" to show itself in either an acceptance or a refusal. We accidentally gossip about someone and see what "other shoe" falls socially.



Sometimes it's not so cause-and-effect. Sometimes life can feel like a rain of shoes - bad things keep happening left and right, and we're just grudgingly waiting for the next shoe to clunk us in the head, hoping that it's not a soul-piercing stiletto or a 10-pound army boot. Most often when we think the "rain" of terror is over (sorry about the pun...) the "other shoe" falls when we least expect it and we're failed and flattened. Wiped out. Wan. When life is like that, it sucks.



It's not all gloom and doom though, sometimes life can be a happy rain of shoes! Sometimes positive things keep happening left and right and right and left in life, and it's like getting boxes of new shoes all day long. We get sparkling ballet flats of praise, moccasins of comfort, slippers of success. When we're waiting for the "other shoe to drop" in that kind of shiny situation, we can only rub our hands delightedly, thinking "What kind of shoes can these be?!"



Life has been a "rain of shoes" (pardon the nerdy metaphor) for me lately. It's been a little cause-and-effect. Turns out I didn't make the musical (bummer) but! A positive that came out of this was that I joined the MLC soccer team! And I love it! Not only are the girls really nice, but I also had forgotten how much I love soccer. As I keep practicing I remember more and more of my old soccer skills, and it's refreshing and exciting to get to use them again. To top it all off, what number jersey did I get last second? Number 22!! My favorite number! Ahh, it's fate. The numbers agree, I was destined to be in soccer...



The "other shoe" that fell from joining the soccer team was all the really nice people I met because of it. Meeting a whole bunch of new people here this weekend was like opening box after box of new shoes - so exciting! Fun after fun after fun. I can only smile delightedly and think "Who am I going to meet next?" Everyone here is oh-so kind. Not that people in Madison weren't; they're super nice too. It's just that a lot of acquaintances I met in discussion sections in Madison wouldn't say "hi" to you the next day in class or kind of meanly stared you down if you tried to sit by them in a lecture hall. Cripes.



(See! I'm even doing it here. What the heck does "cripes" mean?! Crepes? Are cripes bad crepes? Hey, google...)



Life throws plenty of situations at us where all that seem to fall are the bad shoes, and they pile up so high that we crumple under our worries. We're buried in grief, regret, pain, and doubt, and we feel like we'll never be able to crawl out from under that mountain of care. It's times like this passages like I Corinthians 10:13 shine like a ray of hope:

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it".

We feel like life has it out to get us, but really? We're no different. There's nothing new under the sun. Nothing has seized us except for the common things. There's been peer pressure, hurt feelings, relationship drama, and heartbreak since the dawn of time. From one viewpoint, we're nothing special. We're just one of billions, trillions, gazillions - a speck in a sea of mediocrity. Nameless. Faceless. We don't deserve earthly love; how much more don't we deserve heavenly love? YET, we're loved so much individually that that God knows my name - me, the speck - and He knows yours too. He knows our cares, wants, fears. He knows you have 13 freckles on your back and He knows what boy you like. He knows if it's going to work out or not. He knows. We're common, and He uncommonly loves us. What a conundrum.

His love for us makes us feel like we're just waiting for the other shoe to drop. "Sure, God loves us, yadda yadda yadda... but what next? What do I have to do?" As sinful humans, it leaves us hanging in suspense. There must be a catch. There's always a catch. "When's the other shoe going drop?"

With God, the great thing is that no other shoe falls. Ever.

God IS faithful.

So. Shoes have been falling. A few tiny bad ones in the form of twinges of missing Madison and not making the musical, a bunch of great ones in the shape of new friends and the joy of grass and soccer, and finally, a couple interesting cause-and-effect situations that require some more thought... but the shoes are falling. And they're falling into place.

I hope and pray that the shoes are falling in place for you as well.

(P.S - I looked up "cripes" - it's "an interjection used to express dismay, surprise, disgust, annoyance, etc." Guess the origin? It's a euphamism for "Christ". Guess I won't be saying "Cripes" anymore... sheesh...)

(P.P.S - I just typed "sheesh" so I looked that up too on the same website. It is also "an interjection used to express dismay, surprise, disgust, annoyance, etc." Guess this origin? Turns out it's a euphamism for "jeez" which is a euphamism for "Jesus!" AHHH I am never using these words again. Who knew I was practically swearing all this time, and the two worst words to use as swears EVER? Wow. )

(P.P.P.S - I looked up "wow". Thankfully that's not a euphamism for anything. The end).

Tryin' Out

So. Being at a new school means trying new things, right? Right. The past couple weeks have made me step out of my comfort zone and try lots of new things. New dorm. New social rules. New classes. New mentalities. New people. New city. New schedules. New priorities. New... well, new everything. I'm always one to try something new, but two weeks of total newness makes you want some things to be the same. And don't get me wrong, some things definitely ARE the same... hah but the point that I'm trying to make right now is that I have been trying new things. And mostly I like them. Mostly.

One of these new things is my recent rediscovery of TV. Holy cow. TV is great. (Actually it sucks... but just humor me for a moment). Living at Camp all summer with no TV and having a roommate that wasn't that into watching TV last year has caused my TV viewing to plummet lower than it has ever been before in my life. However - Have you ever watched MTV before? Or Bravo? Ever heard of Teen Mom? My Life as Liz? The Real Housewives of _____? 16 and Pregnant? I Didn't Know I was Pregnant? The Rachel Zoe project?!?!?! These are fantastic. Well, not really. They're fantastic in the same way the Bachelor is fantastic - it's spectacular in a soul-sucking kind of way. Regardless, this whole TV-watching-all-the-time is a completely new (and potentially AWFUL) experience for me, but it's had one positive effect - I have also discovered "The Buried Life". Have you ever heard of this show?! Literally, this show is my dream come true. 4 guys have created a list of 100 things to do before they die, and every episode they check one thing off their list as well as help someone else check something off their "bucket list". You can see more info on this show here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Buried_Life . If you really know me you know about my list and you can understand how much this show concept appeals to me. It just started; season 2 starts at 10:30pm on September 27th. Watch it!!!! I'm the biggest advocate of bucket list-making. So watch the show, but also make a list. Kay, thanks.

Something else new I tried was trying out for the musical... no callbacks but keep your fingers crossed for chorus! I'm trying to get a new job, too... I need employment. Big time. Trying to save money for a car is really hard when you have no money to save...

This summer at Camp Phillip the staff focused on Romans 12 as kind of our "mission" passages for the summer. I really like Romans in general, but I especially liked that we focused on chapter 12. The first two verses say:

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. DO NOT CONFORM ANY LONGER TO THE PATTERN OF THE WORLD, but BE TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will" -(Romans 12:1-2)

The world wants us to try out all sorts of new things - some good, some bad. Risks overall are beneficial and help you actually live your life to the fullest, but, even though they may be tempting, we shouldn't be taking sinful risks. We just plain shouldn't. Especially while we're all in college, the cliche' drinking scene is just darn tempting. Gossip, pride, and laziness haunt all the corners of our consciousness. Every day we're backed up against our closets bulging with skeletons of fear and doubt that tempt us to turn to any number of vices that wait with open, sinister arms. There are a billion and four new things we'd sinfully like to try out in the world, but instead out of love for God we should follow His command and "be transformed by the renewing of your mind". Let's not conform any longer to the rutted, asinine pattern of the world, as enticing as that may be. Let's instead see how God's "good, pleasing, and perfect will" is accomplished in our lives as we walk with Him. Try it out.

(And don't forget to watch the Buried Life!! :)